Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
