6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sober January is a disaster.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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