just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
