I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
