Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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