You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
