we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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