I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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