Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So many bounce houses so little time
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you had me at cake vodka
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
