it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
