Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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