I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
