What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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