there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
is that a dick in a sweater?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
