I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
