i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
