I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
