I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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