So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
