I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
