Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
