My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize