i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
