There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
