puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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