Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
