my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize