All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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