It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
