i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
