Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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