A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
