This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
