SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
