On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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