now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
