Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am one with the molecules
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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