yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
