I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
