Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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