This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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