Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
