During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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