your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm like, not good at living.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
we're so committed to being not committed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
