I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
