guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
