did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
