I'm going to jail i love you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
