Where is the hickey?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
