Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
