I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
