if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
