Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize