I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
