3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
