They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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