weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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