I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
