You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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