I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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