Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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