That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
