I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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