but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
