I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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