My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
