I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
