Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
