i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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