First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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