i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it's like heaven, but drunker
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize