omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have tasted many bathrooms
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
